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  • American Slapstick

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Sep 20, 2018

    This is one of those "good news, bad news" situations. First, the good news: North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has communicated his continuing trust in President Donald Trump to make good on their deal, whatever it is. POTUS reciprocated by going to Twitter to thank Kim for his "unwavering faith." Now the bad news: Faith in Trump is wavering big-time in his own administration. If we can't trust Bob Woodward, who wrote in his new book that Trump's top aides go to huge lengths to block his craziest decisions, then perhaps we can believe Mr. or Ms....

  • Good Grief, Bad Grief

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Sep 13, 2018

    "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Arguably these are even worse times than the mid-19th century, when Charles Dickens wrote his "Tale of Two Cities." In the 21st century, we have effectively divided into two countries, separated by impenetrable fortifications. President Donald Trump heads up the hordes on the right. Those on the left are led by, well, actually they're not really led by anyone. That's a big part of their problem: All they really do is focus their utter contempt on Trump. He's constantly making that easy for...

  • John McCain, One More Time

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Sep 6, 2018

    Others who were fortunate enough to experience John McCain, as I was, have offered their tributes to him, many more eloquently than I ever could. Still, I feel honor bound to try, because, throughout his life, McCain was all about honor. He was not a perfect man. As a reporter, I occasionally tangled with him, and he could display a nasty temper when crossed. But he also was very funny, quick with a devastatingly sarcastic quip. Although complex, he was simply the perfect example of a public servant who believed in public service. In other...

  • Raining on Trump's Parade

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Aug 30, 2018

    President Donald Trump was bitterly disappointed that he was forced to cancel his ego trip down Washington, D.C., streets. The parade of U.S. military units was to be his biggest display yet of people marching in lockstep, bigger even than any gathering of Republicans. He really wanted to stand on a reviewing stand as the troops and hardware did their thing below -- just like they do for Kim Jong Un, Vladimir Putin and the others he wants to emulate -- but the disclosed cost of $92 million for this Defense Department dog and pony show is...

  • The Trumpettes Face a Bleak Future

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Aug 23, 2018

    Networking in Washington is even more important than it is elsewhere. One would never go to a party here inadequately dressed, which is to say without carrying a resume, ready to hand out at a moment's notice. Socializing is not personal; it's hard work. Ambition is a good thing, and we're swarming with those who have brought their principled beliefs to government to make a difference. At least that's what they say. Count me among those who say "Balderdash!" (That's not what I actually say, but we have to remember the kiddies.) The point is...

  • With Apologies to Dr. Suess

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Aug 16, 2018

    (A note from your writer: So much of what happens these days in the political realm is utter nonsense. Why not tell it in verse? At least there will be rhyme with no reason.) Every Who in Whomerica likes freedom a lot, But the Trump who lives here in Washington, Does Not! The Trump hates democracy, to the point of malfeasance. Now please don't ask why, we all know the reasons. It could be his head isn't screwed on just right, It could be, perhaps, that his pants are too tight. But I think the most likely reason may be That he has a brain...

  • Media Action Plan

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Aug 9, 2018

    Enough is enough. The time has come for the media to reclaim our role and aggressively cover the Trump administration without the fear. We must disregard the constant bullying by him and his accessories after the "alternative facts," aka flunkies, aka stooges. The new stooge on the block is Bill Shine, forced out as a top dog at Fox News after lawsuits charged him with enabling all of Roger Ailes' alleged sexual outrages. That would immediately endear him to Donald Trump, and sure enough, now he's the new White House communications director,...

  • Attack of the WIRMS

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Aug 2, 2018

    Parasitic worms -- there are many of them -- are among the worst health scourges on Earth. The same could be said about the species that frequently infest the world of American celebrity. They're called WIRMS, and in this case, the opportunistic organisms latch on to the parasites, particularly those in the political realm. WIRMS is shorthand for "What I Really Meant to Say," and we've had an outbreak recently in Washington. It doesn't take an expert to conclude that these particular lice were brought back from Helsinki, where our president...

  • The Law's Country Club

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Jul 26, 2018

    Is it possible that only Ivy League law schools produce attorneys who have what it takes to climb to the top of this country's jurisprudence heap? This heap's pinnacle, of course, is the U.S. Supreme Court. Apparently, we have evolved to a nation where the SCOTUS ivory tower is exclusively the Ivy tower. Even President Donald Trump. the rabble rouser in chief, is said to have factored in Brett Kavanaugh's Yale pedigree when he chose him for another new haven. Assuming the Senate complies, he will cluster with the Supremes: five Harvard, three...

  • Acronym Creation Tactics

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Jul 19, 2018

    For those who thought "acronym" was a city in Ohio, it is not. According to my handy dandy online dictionary, an acronym is "a word formed from the initial letters or groups of letters of words in a set phrase or series of words and pronounced as a separate word," as in WAC from Women's Army Corps or OPEC from Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries. Or MAGA, as in Make America Great Again, the Donald Trump campaign slogan splattered across red baseball hats worn by millions of Americans, mostly white, mostly intolerant, who have...

  • Doublespeak Double-Cross

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Jul 12, 2018

    Don't you just love doublespeak, which "deliberately obscures, disguises, distorts or reverses the meaning of words," according to the dictionary? It's the distorted language of grievance that allows society's oppressors to wallow absurdly in their contrived victimhood. One of my favorites is a phrase used against anybody who dares oppose the nation's plutocrats, these obese cats who routinely use a small part of their ill-gotten gains to buy candidates -- oh, I'm sorry, I mean "make campaign contributions to elect officials who will return...

  • America's Political Amnesia

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Jul 5, 2018

    Here's a pop quiz: What is the name of North Korea's capital city? If you said "Pyongyang," you probably have an above-average recall. I didn't want to make it too easy. The name Kim Jong Un still should ring a bell, but if the details of his much-ballyhooed meeting with President Donald Trump have faded, don't worry. That was sooooo two weeks ago, and we Americans have the memory span of a gnat. Since that historic Trump-Kim negotiation to defuse the ticking nuclear time bomb, we have moved on. All the glaring images from Singapore (the...

  • A NAFTA World Cup?

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Jun 28, 2018

    I'm totally puzzled: How could the United States, Canada and Mexico have successfully convinced FIFA, the international soccer governing body, to award the 2026 World Cup competition to North America, the first time in history that the hosts will be three different countries? But Mexico, Canada and the United States in a joint venue for a NAFTA World Cup? If President Donald Trump goes along as he has so far, the U.S. could be at war with one or both nations by 2026, or at least have built walls on both borders. Or maybe a wall of prohibitive...

  • With Friends Like These...

    Bob Franken, Syndicated Columnist|Jun 21, 2018

    Now that President Donald Trump has totally alienated the leaders of the traditional U.S. allies before escaping from Canada, it's easy to see what he hopes to gain from that experience when he sat down with Kim Jong Un in Singapore. North Korea could give him some pointers on how the United States will exist as another pariah nation. No, we're not one yet, but the other G-7 heads of state could barely hide their disgust and were talking openly about becoming the G-6 now that Trump is blasting the Old World Order of trade agreements and so...