Bruce Cameron - 8 Simple Reasons Why My Daughter May Not Go to Guam

Dear Daughter: Though you are over 21, I am denying you permission to go on vacation to Guam, of all places, for the following reasons.

1. I never heard of anyone going to Guam for vacation. People go to Guam to fight the Battle of the Pacific. I’ve seen your pictures of their luxury hotels and fabulous beaches, but what the tourist bureau hasn’t told you is that you’ll have to wade ashore with an M-1 rifle.

2. In the movie “Taken,” the daughter goes to Europe against her father’s wishes. He’s forced to get on a plane and save her, in the process wiping out a lot of French people. It’s a very...