Editorial 4/28/11

William, Kate and Mr. Bean

Prince William and Kate Middleton will be married Friday. The ceremony and official functions will take over much of the world’s attention, superceding even the NFL draft announcements on Thursday.

The American networks are agog over the event, sending their correspondents and anchors to cover the event. A three-story media center has been constructed just for the wedding, and actress Jane Seymour, name sake of one of Henry VIII’s unfortunate six wives, will give local color.

Some television coverage begins in America at 1 a.m. More live coverage will start around 4 a.m.

Supposedly two-thirds of England’s own citizens will not watch the ceremony, but more than two billion people world wide are expected to be glued to their televisions. Breathless reports give insight into Kate’s weight loss. Speculation is rampant on where the couple will honeymoon. The word is that Kate’s hair style will infuriate some royals.

The couple will ride to the ceremony in a Rolls Royce, but after the ceremony they will leave Westminster Abbey in one of the two royal horse-drawn carriages readied for the event. That is because commoner Kate does not rate a royal carriage until she is married and transformed into a royal. Being such traditionalists, the English question whether she rates a white wedding dress.

Despite all this, Kate has already been ranked as the third most beautiful royal in history, behind Princess Grace of Monaco and Princess Rania of Jordan.

The former Princess Fergie was not invited. The slight has caused predictions on how she is going to get even in the coming years. Her absence, however, will make room for the actor who plays Mr. Bean. Apparently, no room was left for President Obama.

As of Monday, people were already camping out on the procession route as if a new i-Pod were going on sale. An American woman from Missouri quit her job so that she could stand there too.

Sales of memorabilia are brisk. Shot glasses with the couple’s likeness, British flags with the couple’s likeness and toilet seats with the couple’s likeness are just a few of the unofficial souvenirs available. The classier official souvenirs commissioned by the royal family which presumably help pay for the shindig do not have the couple’s likeness and do not include toilet seats.

Ah, monarchy.

Poor America does not have such class. We do not even have our own Prince Charles or a Camilla Parker Bowles.

Gordon Forgey

Publisher