The Current Diet Situation

W. Bruce Cameron

I’ve tried several diets over the past couple of years, not because I need to lose weight but because my pants are trying to cut me in two. I showed these defective pants to my wife, who suggested that perhaps it was an indication that I should drop a few pounds.

“No, it isn’t,” I explained.

OK, she said. If tight pants aren’t convincing enough, what about the fact that when I step on the scales they make a sound like a falling elevator?

“No,” I say.

And what do the scales indicate is my actual weight, compared to the way it was, say, five years ago?

“All the diet books say yo...