An Illegal Quantum Leap

Apr 26, 20120

W. Bruce Cameron

Editor’s Note: The following column was originally published in 2007.

I’ve always maintained that research is the refuge of writers too lazy to make up their own facts. But when someone else sends me his research, I’m more than happy to accept it — as with this item, which comes straight out of court documents.

On March 22, 2007, a woman named Tammy Roberson filed a complaint in U.S. district court against George Bush, Condoleezza Rice and the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), charging the defendants with (among other things):

“Illegal criminal activities include — the use of an illegal quantum leap that can take the human body from one place to another without them knowing it, and the illegal use of a program with the capability of making humans say what they want them to say.”

Roberson complains that the “illegal system of quantum leap” is “scientifically unknown and illegal. It is against the law and is government violation.”

She states: “I have proof of a illegal quantum leap. A system that was invented by possibly a Nazi, or a scientist, who says he’s a god. He says he is going to take me, Mrs. Roberson, to another state, announce me dead saying that I had a heart attack or a stroke, or a car accident, and then illegally produce a death certificate, but I would be alive in another state with amnesia. This is supposed to happen in the year 2007 or 2008. I have turned it over to the police department but I was told that an illegal quantum leap that could affect all of us would be FBI or government issue.”

(One pictures the glee with which the local police solemnly advised Roberson that her complaint was so serious it could be handled only by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.)

Roberson then goes on to say, “I have names of people that are dead that are possibly alive in another state” (and, sure enough, she lists eight of them, all presumably acquaintances of hers, exclaiming at the end of the list, “This is illegal!”).

Also illegal: a threat from a man to use an illegal quantum leap against her daughter “if I don’t let them have my clothes and men that I have went with both present and past for a relationship.”

(I’ve read the above statement more times than you have — and I don’t understand it, either.)

Of quantum leaps, Roberson writes, “Humans are not supposed to be going through the Earth and landing anywhere.” She then launches (no pun intended) into a brief lecture on space flight, identifying with straight-out-of-Google accuracy how a three-stage rocket “injects” a person into orbit.

“The only space flight that we have is via a space ship. Someone has invented something illegal.”

(As an attachment to her lawsuit, Roberson includes a photograph of an astronaut on the moon.)

“President Bush,” Mrs. Roberson implores, “this needs to be looked into because there is not supposed to be a quantum leap. Any quantum leap system would be illegal, and a health violation and unsafe to everyone. It also questions the security of the United States. Please stop and law the use of any quantum leap in the United States, and the use of any program, and the killing of innocent people being said dead but alive. I have a right to my life and a right to have my United States citizenship reinstated, and any illegal death certificates taken to court and overturned if I am ever said dead.”

Here’s to you, Roberson! I, too, would like any death certificate of mine overturned in court (and there are times when I’ve contemplated an appeal of certain elements of my birth certificate, as well). And, while I’m not sure exactly what Condoleezza Rice is doing in this lawsuit, I eagerly look forward to hearing the results.

(Lest you think I fabricated this whole thing, the lawsuit has been assigned case number 3-07CV0522-M in the Northern District of Texas. If you look it up, you’ll see that I fiddled with Roberson’s name a bit to save her from being contacted by those pesky anti-quantum leap device salespeople, who always seem to call at dinnertime.)

To write Bruce Cameron, visit his website at http://www.wbrucecameron.com. http://www.creators.com.