Bruce Cameron

Mar 13, 20130

I Tube, You Tube, We All Tube for YouTube

Every single day, YouTube receives around tens of thousands of new videos, which is why mine is so unique.

That's right, I'm on YouTube because everybody else is. And yes, Mom, if everyone were jumping off a cliff, I suppose I would, too.

Let me tell you, making a video for YouTube that looks polished and professional is very difficult, which is why I didn't do that. For one thing, a YouTube video is very small, so small that I had trouble squeezing into it, the way I recently have had trouble squeezing into some of my pants. (They say the camera adds 10 pounds -- no wonder my trousers are tight!)

And then there's the subject: You can't just make a video about nothing. (Actually, you can -- there are thousands of videos out there that don't seem to have any purpose to them at all, like, "Here's what it looks like with my lens cap on," and, "Look at all the white paint on that white wall!") What I wanted was a video that captured the attention of a grateful world, one that every man, woman and child would watch again and again.

So far, I've had 13 views, seven of which were my logging in to see if anyone had looked at it yet.

What I decided to do was address the issue of how I feel about the fact that one of my daughters is getting married, which can't be legal since only last month I was reading her a story about two bunnies who live with a turtle. In the process, I wound up making a video about how I think all fathers feel when they are told that their 4-year-old is (a) engaged and (b) in her 20s, which to sum it up here is "not good."

To be clear, when I say "not good," I mean the way someone who is just walking innocently down the street and is suddenly struck by a large flaming meteor of molten rock feels "not good." Because when you are walking down the street, the last thing you see coming is a flaming molten announcement that your little girl is getting married!

I called my video "Is the Man You Are Marrying Really Good Enough for You?" Because, you see, no man is good enough for my little girl, especially some guy she's engaged to.

I felt fairly certain my daughter would watch the video, and call me and say: "Dad, you're right as always! I'm too young to be getting married, and you are certainly way, way too young to have a daughter get married!"

Instead, she said this: "Where did you get that sweater?"

Me: What are you talking about?

Her: That sweater. Did you steal it from Grandpa?

Me: What? No, there's nothing wrong with that sweater. What did you think of the rest of it -- pretty convincing that you're too young to get married, right?

Her: I just couldn't get past what you were wearing, sorry.

I thought about this. I'd made the video for her, and for brides-to-be like her. She's my target audience, so if she doesn't like the video, she must be wrong.

I phoned my sister, who is also engaged, though I'm OK with this one even though my father insists she's too young. My sister loves me, and in her eyes I can do nothing wrong.

Sister: Man, did you pick the wrong sweater.

Me: I think the issue here is that I made an honest film that exposes my true feelings.

Sister: What you exposed is an ugly sweater.

Me: Somehow the video didn't convince my daughter that she shouldn't get married because in my mind she's still a little girl who needs protecting from unworthy men like her fiance.

Sister: You told me you liked the guy!

Me: Yeah, I liked him until he got engaged to my daughter!

Sister: You sound exactly like our father.

That insulted me, so I said goodbye and hung up. Though I do know my dad wouldn't complain about the sweater.

He has one just like it.

(Bruce Cameron can be visited at his website at http://www.wbrucecam eron.com.)