Bruce Cameron

Editor’s Note: The following column was originally published in 2008.

Whenever someone taps me on the shoulder and asks, “Is this the right line?” I can always be confident when I answer, “No.” If it were the right line, I wouldn’t be standing in it.

My ability to find the slowest-moving line wherever I go is so extraordinary it’s practically a superpower.

When I’m in the grocery store, I inevitably wind up behind a woman attempting to use more than 100 coupons to purchase a dozen items. Every time a coupon is rejected for, say, being both expired and from Bolivia, she appeals to the Ninth Cir...