Bruce Cameron

Editor’s Note: The following column was originally published in 2008.

When I was in 9th grade, I decided it was my destiny to be a professional football player because I looked so fierce in my helmet. I spent a lot of time standing in front of the mirror in full equipment, growling through my mouth guard, squinting and sneering in such a threatening manner I intimidated even myself.

I went outside and stood ominously in front of a group of second-grade girls who were playing Tea Party, shocking them into subdued silence. This is back when my mother bought clothes in sizes too large for me so t...