Pastor's Corner

In a perfect world, there would be no need for apologies or forgiveness. But, we do not live in a perfect world (not until we get to heaven). Therefore, forgiving and seeking forgiveness when our relationship with one another is damaged is imperative. When a relationship is broken the goal is reconciliation and restoration!

We can learn a great deal about how to apologize from David. In Psalm 51, we get a glimpse into the heart of this man after he had committed some terrible sins. From David’s confession we can learn five elements of an effective apology.

I. REMORSE & REGRET – “I am sorry”

The starting place for an effective apology is expressing remorse and regret. When our actions hurt people, the injured party needs to know that we are remorseful. We can sum up this principle in three simple words: “I am sorry.”

We see clearly David’s remorse over his actions: “Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me” (Psalm 51:2–3). David was truly sorry for what he had done and he acknowledged this to the Lord.

What most people are looking for in an apology is sincerity. An apology must be coupled with true contrition. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise” Psalm 51:17. When we tell people that we are sorry but do not mean it, this does not solve anything and often makes matters worst. Only a sincere apology can heal the hurting.

II. RESPONSIBILITY – “I was wrong.”

We must avoid the “But” in saying “I am sorry.”

Sometimes when we apologize we blame our actions on something the other person did or did not do. We attack rather than apologize.

Sometimes instead of blaming we excuse our wrong. “Well, it was an accident.”

At the heart of accepting responsibility for one’s behavior is the willingness to admit that “I was wrong.”

David not only was remorseful for what he had done, but he also accepted full responsibility for his actions. “For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight…” (Psalms 51:3-4a).

III. RESTITUTION – “What can I do to make it right?”

David desired to make restitution for the wrong he had done. “Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee” (Psalms 51:13).

A willingness to do something to try to make up for the pain you have caused is evidence of a true apology. A genuine apology will be accompanied by the assurance that you have a desire to right the wrong you have done. You will try to make amends for the hurt you have caused. Zacchaeus is an example of this. “And Zacchaeus stood, and said unto the Lord; Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold” (Luke 19:8). We should ask the question: “Is there anything I can do to make up for what I have said or done?”

IV. REPENTANCE – “I will not to do that again.”

David repented of the sin that he committed. “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalms 51:10).

It will never be enough to simply apologize. For some individuals, repentance is the key factor in an apology. Repentance is a change of mind which results in a change of action. Repenting not only recognizes that what we did was wrong, but it also expresses a desire to do right.

V. RECONCILIATION – “Will you please forgive me?”

David wanted his relationship with God to be restored. He asked God, “Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit” (Psalms 51:12).

The last step in offering an effective apology is learning to ask, “Will you forgive me?” Requesting forgiveness is not easy. It often leaves one vulnerable to the fear of rejection.

The act of forgiveness is hard on both ends – for the person who is asking and for the person who is accepting. Yet, it is necessary in order for the relationship to be restored.

Rev. Tim Wall,

pastor

Macedonia Baptist Church, Colfax