Bruce Cameron

Editor’s Note: The following column was originally published in 2009.

As I write this column, I have literally been brought to my knees by the customer support department for my “ISP,” which stands for “Internet Slow Provider.” My computer keeps reporting that the Internet doesn’t exist. Yet I know this can’t really be true — if it were, someone would have sent me an e-mail about it.

I’m on my knees because I have been instructed to turn off the power strip under my desk, though the part where I bang my head is something I thought of on my own. While I do this, I speak to Customer Support over...