Stay and drink, please

The great flush of money that swamped Washington State University athletics has come to an end.

The department is projected to have a continuing deficit of about $13 million a year.

It's the old story of public programs overspending and running out of money.

What is one to do?

The state found an answer to part of its problem. It was to legalize marijuana. After years of ruined lives and criminal prosecutions, the state decided that perhaps the drug was not as evil as first thought. Besides, it was argued, if it was legalized the state could make a tremendous amount of money in taxes.

So, marijuana became a revenue source for the state.

Now, WSU is in need of money to balance its athletic budget.

What could be more logical than revenues on alcohol?

Still to be approved, the WSU plan is to open up liquor sales for all of Martin Stadium, except for the student section. If approved, everyone will be able to buy and drink alcoholic beverages. It won't just be for those in the premium seats anymore.

This is a pretty good plan but for one glitch. Many fans leave the stadium at half-time to go back to their tailgate parties. This, the planners realized, would cut into their liquor sales.

In a stroke of brilliance, they decided not to let anyone leave the stadium until the game was over. Anyone leaving and wanting to return to the game would have to buy another ticket.

Problem solved!

Fans wanting a drink will simply have to buy WSU authorized alcohol. The message to fans: Stay and drink, please.

Drinking throughout a game instead of perhaps only at halftime certainly is in the spirit of improving public safety when the stadium clears out and the roads fill with fans going home.

This scheme is calculated to raise only $1 million for the sports department. It remains to be seen just what other ideas will be floated to fill the remaining $12 million gap.

There is a positive side, however. Although it is not enough booze to solve the department's deficit, it may be enough booze so that nobody will really care about it anymore.

Gordon Forgey

Publisher