The New Male Stereotype

What happened to the image of the American father? I remember when fathers were considered the undisputed head of the family. The stereotypical father was venerated by his children and had the answer to all family problems. Not so anymore. The image of the American father has changed from Ward Cleaver to Archie Bunker to Homer Simpson. Hollywood portrays the normal couple to be Lara Croft Tomb Raider and her incompetent male side kick. No more dumb blond jokes. I liked them and learned most of them from my blond daughter who is not at all dumb. We have replaced them with inept man jokes. Dumb blond jokes are sexist, but incompetent man jokes are just the way it is.

I try to avoid commercials during my favorite TV shows. I usually get up to get a snack whenever one comes on. A few weeks ago, however, my wife decided I need to go on a diet, so I have no excuse not to stay in my recliner and soak up the propaganda. A couple of the ads seem to be public service initiatives to encourage fathers to be dads. These ads show a man with a baby, very uncomfortable, and unsure of himself. I remember our first child. My wife and I were barely out of our teens and totally unprepared for parenthood. We were in the military over a thousand miles from family, so we had to learn on our own. We were uncomfortable, but having no option, we pressed on and learned as we went. I learned to change diapers and rock colicky babies at night. No one had to encourage us to be parents, or encourage me to do my part. We were surrounded by couples in the same predicament. Every father I knew was fully involved in trying to be a good dad. It is just what we did. It is the same thing my father did and his father before him. Most days, however, the husband went to work while the wife stayed home with the baby. Working mothers have changed family dynamics.

The modern family includes two wage earners and daytime child care. Stay-at-home moms are no longer the norm and stay-at-home dads are no longer rare. Most families find their own division of household chores. My son can cook as well as his sister, and she can change a tire if she needs to. The modern family is an equal partnership. The new wife and mother has taken her rightful place beside her husband. There is no longer a single head of the household. I applaud the change, but the woman’s rise to equal status should not mean subordination of the husband. Family leadership is not a zero sum game. One of the TV ads advises men to “Take time to be a dad.” I find that insulting. I would have no objection if the advice was for all of us to take time to be parents. If dumb blond jokes are sexist, then so are incompetent man jokes. Ward Cleaver no longer exists, but Homer Simpson and Lara Croft are, and always have been, fiction.

(Frank Watson is a retired Air Force Colonel and a long time resident of Eastern Washington. He has been a free lance columnist for more than 18 years.)